I Speak Your Weight

Lockdown Life -- Here at Chez Gee we have tended to view weighing scales in the same way that Queen Elizabeth I viewed mirrors. Despite the reputation that fat people are harder to kidnap, Mrs Gee noted that COVID-19 has a particular fondness for people built in, let us say, a more 'traditional' manner. So we've been on a health kick.

Helped by the fact that we only shop online and put up with what we have, so no cheeky choc bars, bags of M&Ms, take-away meals, cafe breaks with, noblesse oblige, a sausage roll, for all that the sausage roll is a 'diet' sausage roll as some of it ends up in a dog, combined with Mrs Gee's strict portion control, and her strenuous efforts to hide the biscuit tin, as it is a fact universally acknowledged that when I am shut in a room with a packet of biscuits, only one of us comes out alive, and, notwithstanding inasmuch as which the presence of a lively Pupperino means I am taking more exercise, and Mrs Gee is devoted to a YouTube exercise channel for Ladies of a Certain Age -- we have lost weight.

But how much?

Well, the weighing scales arrived yesterday. When I stepped on them I expected them to go AAARGH! and explode, leaving a wisp of purple smoke and a bad smell, or at the very least say NO COACH PARTIES before expiring or announce ONE AT A TIME PLEASE in starchy schoolmarmish tones.

But no! The scales remained whole and entire, and gave a silent, oracular and definitely digital reading, which I couldn't read from 6 feet up. However, the digits persist long enough such that I can read them once alighted, and, noting the numbers, I discovered that my weight is measured in some newfangled units such as steradian parsecs per cubic millisieverts. What the what? A handy google allowed me to convert this, via troy ounce per cubic acre, to something intelligible, which was... wait for it ....

18st 3lbs. 

Now, this means little as I don't know how much I weighed before, but the last time I weighed myself I was 19st and upwards, whence the Elizabeth I attitude to scales. I'm still of a form such that were I to indulge in sea bathing, someone would call the Sea Mammal Research Unit.

However, I have had to make new holes in the short end of my belt, and people have remarked on my relatively svelte appearance in my Facebook profile pic. Mrs Gee, too, has started to assume a sleeker profile. Don't worry, folks, we don't look like the young gods we did when we met ... YET.

*** UPDATE, 1 September 2020 *** 

Yesterday I weighed myself and was

17st 7lbs

So the diet is working.

*** UPDATE, 13 October 2020 ***

 17st 3lbs

So that's a stone lost in two months. Not bad, but still no danger of my slipping between the cracks in the pavement.